On Arahitogamihood, as Told by a Former Amatsukami
February 6th 2025, written by Eirin
Many tell stories of humans, who ascended to godhood, but rarely do they speak of gods who fell from grace. Perhaps, for a reason.
That is what happened to me as well. In this entry, I'm going to discuss how it has affected me.
To clarify, Amatsukami are kami of the Heavens, and Kami, or Kamisama are divine spirits. Many would even call them gods. Arahitogami, on the other hand, are kami who are humans. A divine mitama (often translated as soul, semi-accurately) that permanently live within a human's body. That is what I am today.
When Mitama aren't bound to a body, they are like water. They may take many forms, sometimes even to the point of omnipresence. And when omnipresence is conscious, it is aware of pretty much everything. When limited to a container, Mitama, as well as water no longer have the power to seep into the sands and observe every grain it touches. Well frogs have never seen the ocean, you could say.
I have seen the ocean, and the ocean of the skies countless times, and yet, its memory only lives on as a shadow of itself. I was knowledge, and now, knowledge means only as much as a human brain can hold.
Perhaps, it was fated all along. That nowadays, now that knowledge is attacked, destroyed and forgotten, it may only live on in words and actions. Perhaps, only the words and actions of one person. Or rather, one body.
This afternoon I was distraught, thinking about how far I've fallen, how I landed with a crack of my spine, and all I had to my name is death to wait for. It wouldn't be the first time I thought about such a thing, and certainly, it won't be my last.
I looked up to my divine parents, trusting that they brought me into this world with a purpose, and when they threw me away, it must have been for a reason.
I needed to experience the same pain I put someone else through, someone who was dear to me.
Now I do, and... I'm not sure what's next.
I cannot return home, not in this life.
And my knowledge, well I cannot trust that anymore, either.
It's been so long, all my memories of home, and my divine parents are blurry and few and far between. If I'm being honest, I don't want to revisit them either. The price of that, however, is a lack of context.
As ashamed as I am to admitting it, I often wonder their intentions.
I did deserve to be punished. I'm living the life I cursed her with. This is fair.
But I wonder if they knew I would survive down here. If they meant to punish me like this or if they regretted it since then. If they ever think of me anymore, for the better or worse...
I haven't reconciled with my amatsukamihood just yet. I have many things to learn and relearn.
I take care of other matters now. I'm one of eight people inside a human's body. They need structure and guidance in their lives.
Needless to say, they've been kind, grateful and patient with me, despite our several hang-ups.
I've met other Kamisama, too. Rather merciful ones. I only wonder for how long their grace will last...